Sword and Shield: If you could get sustenance by buying big bags of dry human kibble, you would.

Long sword: You have an attention deficit. In the sense that you want others to pay more attention to you than they currently do.

Great sword: You once stood patiently at the counter waiting for service - at a deli, bakery, or suchlike business - not realizing that the person behind the counter had no idea you were interested in buying something and was never going to attend to you until you said something. This went on for several minutes, maybe more than ten.

Dual blades: You think Marvel movies are "pretty fun, but nothing to get too serious about." Your favorite ice cream flavor is chocolate. You own a dog.

Hammer: The very first time you played a MonHun game you selected hammer as soon as the game let you choose a weapon type. You have not thought about using any other weapon since.

Hunting horn: In every new iteration of the hunting horn in every new MonHun you have learned the intricacies of different horn mechanics, investing hours into re-learning your weapon each time. At no point would you have admitted this wasn't "a bit" or that you were using the weapon for any reason other than "it's funny."

Lance: You have intimacy issues.

Gunlance: People have issues being intimate with you due to your lack of an inside voice.

Switch axe: You were really, really, really into Bionicle as a child.

Insect glaive: The idea of walking around with a bug the size of your head hanging off your arm is appealing to you.

Charge blade: Sometime around third grade an adult, talking to another adult, referred to you as "very intelligent." Overhearing this conversation has had dire consequences for your subsequent life all the way through to the present.

Heavy bowgun: You have commitment issues.

Light bowgun: You have really severe commitment issues.

Bow: You have elevated being noncommittal to a sort of rarefied art. Waiters hate you. You haven't directly told another person what you really want in years.